The Hidden Risks of Thanksgiving

Ah, Thanksgiving. A time for gratitude, family, and pretending you enjoy Aunt Carol’s “experimental” cranberry casserole. But beneath the golden-brown turkey and the warm glow of decorative gourds lies a minefield of seasonal hazards. Let’s explore the real risks of Thanksgiving.

Turkey-Induced Naps That Turn Into Time Warps

You sit down for “just a quick nap” after dinner. Next thing you know, it’s Black Friday, your pants are mysteriously tighter, and your relatives are arguing about politics again. Proceed with caution.

Pie Math

You tell yourself, “I’ll just have a sliver of each pie.” But there are six pies. And now you’ve eaten 2 1/2 pies. Pie math is dangerous and should only be attempted by professionals (or not at all).

The Great Gravy Spill of 2025

Every family has one. A heroic attempt to pass the gravy boat ends in a slow-motion disaster. Mashed potatoes are never the same again. Your dog is thrilled.

Uncle Bob’s “Fun Facts”

He’s back. He’s got opinions. And he’s been watching documentaries again. You’ll learn more about the mating habits of turkeys than you ever wanted to know. There is no escape.

Board Game Betrayals

Thanksgiving board games start with laughter and end with someone flipping the Monopoly board and storming off. Bonus points if it’s a child. Double bonus if it’s Grandma.

The Real Risk

Thanksgiving is a beautiful, chaotic, gravy-soaked celebration of love, carbs, and mild dysfunction. So wear stretchy pants, keep the fire extinguisher nearby, and remember: the real risk is not enjoying it while it lasts.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours from your friends at Hylant.